The Things My Grandmother Says

If you know me, you probably know that I like to talk about my grandma and how interesting she can be. My mom calls her "백년에 한번 나올까 말까하는 여자", which roughly translates into "a kind of woman you get to see every hundred years or so". I think that when my mom said this, she was referring more to my grandmother's lifetime achievements. I know that even as someone who was U.S. born and educated and exists in an entirely different generation, I will probably not be able to achieve half the things she did.

My grandmother and I are vastly different character-wise, but maybe that's why we get along so well and also why she likes to call me her favorite granddaughter. She's outspoken, extroverted, blunt, and political. I'm (at least around family) more softspoken, introverted, polite, and would not dare to engage myself in any of the conversations around politics that my family members often have. In their eyes, I'm still just a kid and probably will be for... a while. The most frequently used term used by my relatives to describe me is "착해", even though I personally don't think I'm 착해 at all, especially compared to some of my friends. I always attribute one's personality to their upbringing and personal history... not to imply that I have some hidden tormented soul within me, but I think it'd be very interesting to speak to a therapist or some sort of professional and just discover how my personal histories have created the way I am now.

Aaaaand I have gotten way way off topic. The point of this post was to make a list of all the funny things that I have heard my grandmother say in the past half year. She surprises me every time with these new and creative terms she comes up with, but here are some of the most memorable (WARNING: SOME EXPLICIT CONTENT).

1)"너 눈에 파묻혀 죽지 않았니?" -first thing my grandma says to me when my mom hands her the phone. translates into: "Are you dead from being buried in the snow yet?"

2)"내가 그새끼 모가지를 비툴고 불알을 젓에 담굴까보다" -she was clearly angry at some dude who's been giving our family a hard time for a while. translates into: "I'll twist that bastard's neck and dip his balls in (this part was kinda hard, i dont know what 젓 is in English, but I'll just say..) salted shrimp".

3)"지랄하고." -ok yea, this is really hard to translate. No English word can capture the pure genius of this word 지랄.

4)"집안에서 보지만 키워가지고 온 년." -my grandma usually uses this to describe girls who get married but do not know how to do any household work. translates into: "A girl who's family did nothing but raise a vagina."

5)"이 집안엔 여자불알 빼고 다 있어." -my grandma likes to hoard things. she rarely throws anything away, especially food. as a result her kitchen is full of everything ranging from frozen 3 year old bread to brand spanking new cooking pans. To express this in metaphorical terms, she likes to say "This house has everything except for a woman's balls." Which, naturally, means that it really has everything because women do not have balls (those who want to argue about this can save it for another day).

6)"몸집이 작다고 물건도 작냐?" -To make a long story short, my grandma was saying that I should be careful of all men, even the ones who may look physically weaker than myself. Translation: "Do you think that a small body also means a small 'package'?"

7)"썅."


Hmmm that's all I can think of for now. Now I'm really glad that I keep this blog somewhat private to a selected circle of friends... I love my grandma :)